Breaking Beautiful Things
by dontblameme-igrewupontv
Summary: "I know better.  But I've always done this.  Always, and I know better than to think she's an exception, I know better then to be this close to beautiful things."
1. I Know Better

A/N: I wanted to write a short dark and angsty fic. But apparently, when I try to do something, I end doing the complete opposite. So even though the sentences are shorter and vaguer and it is a little darker than I usually write, this still ended up being uber long. But I've been adding bits and pieces in between writing other stuff, so it's just a little side project. I hope you guys enjoy. Fyi, it gets pretty smutty. …

Pairings: Centered on Jade/Cat, but there's Jade/Beck in here too.

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I Know Better

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I've always liked breaking beautiful things.

Like when I was seven and took a few of my mom's crystal vases upstairs and threw them out the window. They broke on my back porch like exploding stars.

Like when I was fifteen and drove my dad's car into a light pole, and the crashing metal and glass, it was like exploding stars.

Like now, when I'm sitting in Cat's room, and I want to break just about everything in here. Everything bright and shiny and beautiful.

I think about it, fantasize over and over in my head about beautiful noises of snapping and cracking and breaking glass.

But Cat keeps talking and talking and talking, kneeling on her bed and bouncing like a bunny on meth.

Bright, and shiny, and beautiful.

I sigh, and move through unneeded menus and apps on my phone, trying to find something distracting. Just because I want to break things, doesn't mean I can. I'm still paying for those vases that looked better glittering our backyard.

"Jade, Jade, Jade…"

Over and over and over, she's saying it, like ignoring her the first five times didn't give her a hint.

"What?" I snap, looking up from my phone, and at her from her computer chair.

"I read online last night, about reading palms. Can I read yours?"

"No." I say without hesitation.

Then she's off the bed, and suddenly pulling on my arm.

"Please, Jade? Pleasepleaseplease. Don't you want to know your future?"

"I already know my future and it has nothing to do with my palm." I glare at her while I pocket my phone.

She keeps pulling and I relent, groaning as she pulls me to the bed.

Once we're sitting opposite of each other, she starts tracing circles in the palm of my right hand. And tracing and tracing, and she's focused on her work, staring at my upturned hand with bright eyes. Shining at me. And I know better than to be this close to beautiful things. I feel a heat creeping up my neck at the thought.

"If you don't hurry up, you're going to see a black and blue Cat in my future." I try to make my voice harsh, but it just comes out rough.

She up looks at me with a smile, "You won't hurt me." And then a slight giggle.

I feel something inside me burn at that,

She's so sure, isn't she? Sure and innocent, and bright and beautiful,

I flip my hand over and grab her by the wrist.

Fuck. I know better. But I've always done this. Always, and I knew better than to think she's an exception.

She squeaks a little, and pulls a little, and I tighten my grasp a little.

"How do you know?" I feel my eyebrow go up.

"Because I can see your future." And then she's smiling again, not giving any resistance, utterly trusting, as I gently pull more on her wrist. She just lets me, and lets me, letting me lead her closer to me.

I think about it sometimes, a girl like this, with all her tight tops and short dresses, wouldn't take much. With naïve dreams about unicorns and rainbows, it wouldn't take much to break her. To make her buckle, bend and break.

I think about it when she's around me. Sometimes when she's not. Over and over in my head about beautiful noises of whimpers and moans and begging, until she's nothing but debris from an exploding star.

Then I kiss her.

Just as soon as I do, I know immediately that this is a bad idea. I know because she's soft and willing and kissing me right back. She wants this, and it's bad because now I know I won't be able to stop.

Not while I open her mouth with mine, and taste sugar on her tongue, making me lightheaded. And my heart's pounding when I push into her, pushing her back, still holding on to her wrist with an iron grip.

When I feel her fingers wrapping themselves in my hair, I grab her other hand just as her back lands on the overstuffed comforter on her bed. I pull her arms away and pin them both above her head. My legs settle between hers, and I can feel the heat of her thighs through my denim as I reluctantly pull away from her lips. I let her breath, while my eyes focus on her neck and all the dark colors I could scorch it with.

I push her wrists into the mattress with a little force, and hear a whimper come out of swollen lips.

I like this. A lot. Way too much.

As if on cue, I feel the phone in my pocket start to buzz. Apparently she feels it too, smiling and giggling just like she does every day. Ridiculously unaffected.

"Someone's calling you." She enunciates the words with a gentle push of her hips into mine. Fuck.

I don't want to stop.

But my phone keeps going, because he's calling me.

And I'm pretty much fucked.

Fuck.

Cat's eyes widen a little, because apparently I said that last part out loud.

I let go of her and sit up,

"I have to go."

"Kay, Kay." She says with cheer and nonchalance, swinging her legs away from me and sitting up too. I'm a little confused, because she's acting like we weren't just making out five seconds ago, and I know she's random and sometimes doesn't understand things. But she wasn't kissing me like she didn't understand what was going on. Still, just to be sure;

"Don't tell anybody…" I stand up and grab my coat off of her dresser, then motion between us two. "About this."

She bounces back onto her knees and watches me with a smile.

"Why not?"

My eyes shift a little and I feel a pressure start to build in my chest.

"You know why."

Something shifts in her features. Her smile falters a bit, but there isn't anything resembling hurt or guilt in her eyes. Just shifting brown that looks almost…dark. Almost devious.

But then the shift is gone, and whatever slipped is back in place.

"Tell me anyway."

It's almost enough to get mad at her for. Almost enough to call her out, and to think that this was just some kind of game that she thinks she's winning.

But it's not. Because it's Cat, and almost isn't enough, so I just stare a moment too long before I leave her room, resisting the urge to run.


	2. Focus

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Focus

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I can't focus.

I keep seeing her.

I tell him to keep talking.

But he's not saying what I want, just telling me how beautiful I am, but I know better. I know what's beautiful and it's red hair instead of black, and it's soft skin instead of hard muscles.

I can't focus.

"Harder," I gasp in his ear.

He moves his hips hard and slow, making it a struggle to keep my breath.

I close my eyes and see her under me,

My hand slides down my stomach.

I imagine her moaning and arching against me,

My fingers start to rub tight circles over nerves where his body is moving against mine.

I picture her moaning and moving her body against mine,

He tries to kiss me, but I quickly move my mouth to his neck, sucking hard and biting down.

I imagine it's her neck I'm marking,

I tell him I'm coming, thinking about how she would sound saying it, pleading tones and begging eyes, then I'm there, hard and fast. Feeling waves crash through me. Over and over and over.

Once I come down, he's there, wrapping his arms around me and telling me he loves me.

And it makes me feel nauseous.


	3. Cherries

A/N: I wanted to write something where Cat is a little devious. ;)

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Cherries

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It's Monday, and his hickey is two days old, but still bold and brazen on his neck when we walk into school. The bite marks are gone though.

Cat ignores me the whole day. Not even avoids, just ignores. And I like to think that I'm ignoring her too, safely tucked under his arm, but I'm not. I'm watching her and wondering, and not being able to think of practically anything else.

I end up running into her at the end of the day, in the girl's bathroom. I walk in and see her applying lip gloss, and consider turning around once I see the red hair. But I'm Jade West, and I don't run away. Ever. So, fine.

She sees me and gives me a cheerful 'hi'.

Once the cap on her gloss is back on, she turns to me.

"It's Cherry."

"What?" I ask.

"The lip gloss. It smells like cherries." She smacks her lips overdramatically, and I roll my eyes already knowing what it smells like because she's put on too much, and the scent is wafting in the bathroom. "It tastes like cherries too." She continues and something tightens in my gut when I see her tongue run along her bottom lip.

"I don't think you're supposed to be eating lip gloss."

She smiles, and then looks back in the mirror, feigning interest in a few stray locks of hair, pushing them behind her ear.

"I saw Beck's hickey."

Her statement's unexpected, and I'm about to say something sarcastic and dismissive, but stop myself.

Because it's still me, and it's still her, and I still want to break her. Even if it's just a little.

I smirk at her with a raised eyebrow,

"You should have seen his neck two days ago."

She looks at me when I say it, but with the look on her face, I'm regretting my choice of words. Because her eyes are dark and devious, and this time the look lingers.

"Did you two have sex?"

She says it like Cat would, even lowering her voice for the word 'sex'. But it seems tainted somehow.

"Yeah, so what?" My gaze keeps on hers, as I try to steel my face.

"Two days ago…" She continues, taking a few steps closer to me. "After you were with me."

It wasn't a question, and my silence makes her smile grow. She's making connections, and I feel like she knows I was thinking about her and she—…She's playing me.

Who the fuck does she think she is?

Because I'm Jade, and no one plays me.

I close most of the space leaving just an inch or two between us, with red in my eyes.

"Do you really care when I fuck my boyfriend? Because it's way too often for me to keep you updated." I lie blatantly, but I'm good at that, and even he doesn't know when I'm doing it.

"He must be really good at it." She almost whispers to me. "What kinds of things does he do to you to make it so good?" Her eyes flicker over me, and her whisper starts to sound like mocking.

"Shut up." My hands bunch up into fists, as I spit the words at her. And I'm about to break this beautiful girl's face.

She shrugs and moves around me to grab her purse off the sinks.

"I'm just curious." Her voice is back to normal, and I should grab her by the throat and squeeze until she begs me to stop.

"Curious isn't a word I'd use." I mumble, trying to get my anger under control.

"I've just never had sex before."

I turn around to face her again.

"I mean, I've read about it, and seen videos, and I practice a lot but—"

"Shut up." I say again, a little louder, but not angry. It's almost desperate the way it rips out of my mouth, a pressure on my chest pushing it out.

She watches me for a moment.

Then she licks her lips with a searching look on her face.

"Cherries taste good."

After that she turns around and leaves.

And a heat burns through me when she says it, bright and hot, but just as quickly as Cat, it leaves.

Fuck.

What the fuck?

I run my hands through my hair.

What just happened?

"Fuck!" I yell, kicking in one of the unlocked stall doors, ignoring the loud bang of metal as it slams open and then closed again.

I break beautiful things.

Beautiful things aren't supposed to break me.


	4. Good Girl

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Good Girl

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I'm on my bed, and he's kissing me. Deep, passionate kissing that should feel a lot better than it does, because I'm sure it used to. It used to make me wet and wanting, but now even picturing Cat isn't helping. I can tell he's hard as he pushes against my hip, and his hand's undoing my jeans and slipping fingers underneath silk.

And it's okay.

It's comfortable.

It's fine.

But then Cat's in my head again, it just makes me feel sick.

I tell him to stop.

And he's worried, asking if I'm okay, because I practically never tell him to stop once we get started. And he should be worried, because I'm going insane.

But I tell him I'm fine.

I just don't feel like it.

I want to be alone.

After a little while he finally relents and leaves, worry still heavy in his eyes.

I stay on my bed for a while, feeling shaky and uncomfortable.

Then I stare at my phone for a little while.

Then I'm calling Cat.

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She answers on the second ring.

"Hi, Jade." Her voice is all happiness and perk, like I'm about to give her a puppy or something.

"Hey." Mine sounds like I just got run over by a bus.

"Are you okay?" A little less happy this time.

"Yeah, no. Not really."

"What can I do?"

Considering that she's the cause of this?

I think about saying just that, but I end up sighing instead, all fight in me good and gone for now.

I clear my throat, and stay silent.

So does Cat.

Like she's waiting for me.

"Tell me what you do."

"What?" Confusion lacing her words.

"When you—" My cheeks start to burn from embarrassment, and I feel truly and utterly pathetic at this point. "When you practice…by yourself."

I hope to God that I don't need to further explain, and I can get the Cat who seems to be able to play me like a fucking fiddle.

"I can show you."

I close my eyes briefly as the heat in my face migrates south, because her voice lowers noticeably, and I can almost picture her face.

"I told you to tell me." I try for harsh, but it's comes out rough, and I'm pathetic.

I hear movement over the phone, and I start to slide down into a more comfortable lying position on my bed, figuring that I'm mirroring her actions.

"I start by thinking about someone."

"Who?"

"Most of the time, you." She states matter of fact-ly. And that's just fine, because I don't feel like hearing about anyone else she thinks about.

"What are you—" Son of a bitch. "Are you still wearing what you wore to school today?" It's late, and I'm pretty sure she's not, but this is cliché enough.

"No, I'm wearing a p.j. shirt and panties. They're blue." Like she's talking about the weather or something.

My stomach twitches a little at cold fingers when my hand moves slow under my shirt, tracing familiar curves.

"What am I doing when you're thinking about me?"

I try not to breathe so hard, try to calm down a little, because it's just Cat, and we're just talking.

"You're kissing me, like how you did last week," See, that's not so bad. Just breathe normal and keep it fucking together, Jade. "And you're holding my hands down again, not letting me touch you." Fuck. My hands start to move over my bra. "You tell me you'll let me touch if I'm good." Cat's voice is getting more breathless and half a moan comes out of my mouth before I bite hard on my cheeks, keeping as much of it as I can inside. "Then you kiss down my neck, and you leave marks." My back arches into my hand, pinching and pulling, hearing her breath hitch. I know she's touching herself. It's killing me that I know that. I really think that she's killing me. "All kinds, all over my neck, and it feels so good." My body's tensing, and I can't be so far so fast, I've never been—

…My hand moves under undone jeans and under silk, and through folds, and I moan, not being able to stop it. My fingers are drowning, and I hear her breathing into the phone, and my hips jerk at the sound. "Then you move your hands to my breasts, and you keep teasing me, because you barely touch them, but I feel it Jade." I feel it too, seeing nothing but red hair and brown eyes, moving faster. "Then your hand moves lower, between my legs…" Waves and currents, over and over, and I can't be so close so fast. But I am. "And I'm so ready," She's humming half her words, moaning the other half, and I'm practically gasping in the phone. "And I want it Jade, I do." Then I'm there, tense and slowly rolling over me and hitting me. Tearing me apart and melting.

And shaking.

Fuck.

I try to get my breathing under control, feeling hair stick to the back of neck from sweat.

I keep listening to her soft whimpering, making the waves and currents linger inside my skin.

"Please, Jade, I'll be good…" She whispers to me.

I lick my lips.

"I don't know if I believe you." My voice is low and rough, "Because I give good girls what they want." She whimpers again, and it sounds amazing.

"Yes, please. I will, I will."

"What do you want?"

"You, I want you." All breathless and begging, making me trail damp fingers down my stomach.

"You want me to put my fingers inside you?"

And she does, I can tell with the shift of breathing and how her humming starts to turn into low short sounds of something primal.

She's close, and it's making me burn up inside.

"Be a good girl, Cat. Come for me."

And she does, moaning loud and long, and it makes my skin tingle and quiver.

She's breathing hard, whispering my name and it's,

Beautiful.

Something dark goes through me,

I'm thinking about mean and horrible things I could say to her, things that would hurt and make her cry.

Things that would make her break.

But as her breathing slows down, that something dark passes.

I'm soft and quiet when I tell her that she should get some sleep.

She says she doesn't want to hang up. That I should come over.

"I can't, Cat." Soft and quiet.

"But I'm not tired." Half yawning her words at me.

"Goodnight."

She finally relents and I hang up.

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	5. No Choice

A/N: I made Jade pretty roller coaster-ish in this one, not really knowing which way she's going to go with it, to keep ya on your toes. :)

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No Choice

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I'm not looking for Cat when I walk into school the next day. I haven't been thinking about her since I woke up this morning. I didn't keep checking my phone and wondering if she was even going to text me. If she was going to ignore me again, and pretend like last night didn't happen. If she was just going to bounce down the halls and talk nonsense, and laugh at all of Tori's stupid jokes, and act like she's not tearing me apart.

Because I'm not a crazy, clingy, possessive, jealous person.

Yeah. Right.

After my first three classes, I realize that I'm exactly that person and if Cat doesn't look at me soon, I'm going to break a few of her bones.

It doesn't come to that though, because she's smart enough to bounce up to my locker right before lunch.

"Hi." I jump a little at her happy tone, with my head in my locker putting books away. I grit my teeth. When I finish and shut my locker to face her, I see her bright eyes shining at me, all innocent and happy.

I feel something like blatant want making me soften a little towards her.

"Hey, what's up?" I reply lamely.

"Where's Beck?" She starts looking all around me with a smile, like we're playing hide and seek or something.

"He's at an audition."

"That so cool! What—"

"It's just for a commercial." I try to cut off any twenty minute long tirade of random questions and comments, because I really don't want to have idle chit chat about my boyfriend.

She seems to understand that, falling quiet and shifting her weight on her heels, leaving an uncomfortable silence.

"Do you want to come over tonight?" The sudden bounce of energy comes off a little loud.

She starts to give me that look.

I do want to come over, more than anything right now. But I'm not some pet that she can beckon, and besides,

"I'm going out with Beck tonight."

"Well," Cat draws out the syllables, coyly looking at the ceiling. "You can come over after." She doesn't even say it like it's a question, and I burn at it because nobody tells me what to do. That won't get her anywhere with me.

I smirk and raise my eyebrow.

"I won't need to, after." I deliver with suggestiveness and a pinch of snide, so she can burn for a while. Because I'm sick of being the only one.

She just giggles. Fucking giggles. Like a broken Tickle Me Elmo that only works at funerals.

"If that were true, you wouldn't have called me last night."

It's like a slap in face kind of angry, that hits me so fast my vision blurs for a moment. She thinks she's got me, safely tucked under her fucking skirt. She thinks I'm hers, because I fucking let her. I practically begged for her last night, and she's playing me.

Who the fuck does she think she is?

Because I'm Jade, and no one plays me.

With a quick glance around to the few stragglers left in the hallway, I take her by the wrist and pull her until we're both in the janitor's closet.

Once the door shuts, I grab her by the front of her shirt and push her against it, using every last ounce of energy I have not to wrap my hands around her neck and cut off the air flow to those beautiful lungs. She just squeaks a little, and looks at me with wide, expectant eyes.

"Let me make this perfectly clear." I all but growl at her. "This 'whatever' between us is not going to happen." This is just one moment of temporary insanity after another, and right now, I just want my life back. "I like Beck."

My voice breaks a little. I'm pathetic.

I start to loosen my grasp a little, confliction starting to swell up inside me.

"What do you like about him?" She sounds like she did last night, low and needy, and I close my eyes for a second at the sound. She's killing me.

My hand lets go of her, as I move closer, looking at her and that smile. Those eyes that are all kinds of dark. My fingers trail up to her jaw, touching skin, my thumb starting to lightly trace her bottom lip.

"I like the way he kisses me," I whisper, as her lips part slightly. My ears start buzzing, and I feel my stomach tighten. My fingers leave her face and move down her neck, lightly brushing over her collar bone, trailing down to modest cleavage and layered tank tops. Her breathing is getting faster. "I like the way he touches me…" My other hand starts moving up her arm slowly, over perfect skin. I feel my face start to harden.

I look up, there's her. Thinking she's won.

I want to wipe that smile off her face so bad, I start shaking, because this isn't the way it goes. She doesn't get to break me.

I move my hand and tangle it in red, pulling back sharply. Her head goes back with a gasp, showing her neck to me without resistance. I skim my lips over the length, wanting so bad to bite until she bleeds, but I don't because I know she wants it too. I do nip a little, and run my tongue along her pulse point. I can feel her swallow, and hear a quiet moan escape.

My lips go against her ear, "I like the way he _fucks_ me."

I jerk my hand out of her hair, letting her meet my eyes again. I can't even see brown in them anymore, just black blown out pupils as she breathes heavy.

She's loving this. God help me, because I am too.

"How?" Her voice rasps a little, and my eyes narrow. "How does he do it?"

Then that damned smile is back.

I kiss her hard, pushing entrance into her mouth, not waiting for her to catch up. But she does, quicker than I would've thought, pulling me closer to her by the shoulders, encouraging and open, and this is bad.

So bad.

A desperate moan is heard, and I feel blood rush to my cheeks when I realize that it came from me. Our bodies are flush against each other, and I push her more against the door. Her leg moves and wraps around the back of my thigh, bringing me even closer, moving against me like, like she's done it a hundred times before. Like she's made for this. For me.

Fuck.

And this can't be real. This can't be really happening. My hand moves along the thigh that's gripping my hip, while fingers start to explore soft skin under her shirt. This is Cat, and this is me, and we don't do this. We think about it, but she's always been too sweet and I've always been too hard, but now it seems that neither one of us are quite what we pretend to be.

My hand moves over the cotton of her bra, and she pushes against me at the feeling. So it's like I don't even have a choice, when she breaks the kiss to breath heavy in my ear, my hand moves farther up her thigh and under her skirt. She's not giving me a choice, the way her legs moving down and giving me access, and now my fingers are tracing the cotton between her thighs.

Because she wants me, and this is bad,

Because I don't remember a time when I wanted something as much as I want her.

My eyes close a little when I feel her lips on my ear, kissing lightly down my neck, then pulling back, meeting my gaze.

Waiting for me.

I think maybe she does have me, right here under her skirt, like a pet.

Maybe she won.

"You want it?" I whisper, and feel a shiver go through me when she bites her bottom lip.

So, so beautiful, so it's like she's not letting me have a choice in this. She wins.

…But I don't lose.

"So much." Is the needy answer from swollen lips, but there's victory in her dark eyes.

I gently run my thumb over the damp material, and feel my face harden.

I'm no one's pet.

And the way she's playing me like she thinks she has the right, it's like she's not giving me a choice.

I pull away from her, and she's giving noises of protest, confusion making those eyes change. Once I get a few steps away from her,

"I only give good girls what they want." I deliver it maliciously before I grab the handle of the door, and open it while pushing her away.

Then I leave.

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	6. Exploding Stars

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Exploding Stars

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I should just count my losses; consider it an overall win, and move on. I should just stop thinking about her, because she thought she won, and I proved her wrong. That simple.

So instead of sitting in my car outside her house, I should be staying the night at Beck's. Instead of idly tracing the edges of my phone that has Cat's number already ready to dial, I should just be satisfied with what I have. Because I broke her, and I won. I know I did, and it doesn't have to be something I'll regret, something I can never take back. It doesn't have to be something that'll consume me.

But I'm thinking that maybe it is, because it's a little past midnight and after a celebratory night of being distant with Beck, the only thing I can think about is her.

I can still leave though, she doesn't even know I'm out here like a stalker, and even if she did, I doubt she'd be very forgiving. After leaving her earlier today like it was nothing. Like it wasn't way harder than it should have been.

Just leave.

But I call her instead.

"Hello?" There's sleep clinging to her voice, making it low and quiet, and it sounds sexier than it should. Damn it.

"Hey, I'm outside." I wasn't going to use that as an opening line, but I suddenly don't want to talk to her on the phone, knowing that she's close enough to see. I take some steady breaths, waiting for whatever means of rejection that I know I deserve. After a few seconds of silence, "I just want to talk. I think we should, don't you?"

I just want to talk.

Honest.

"Yeah, come around back and I'll let you in."

So I do, locking my car and walking around neatly trimmed hedges, to her back door. Sucking in some deep breaths, trying to convince myself that this is a good idea, because it is. I need to end this, because it's gone too far too fast, and even though she makes me feel—…I'm scared at how little control I have over how much I want this.

Because I really wasn't supposed to. Not this much.

After a few moments, I hear the click of the lock before I open the door and let myself in. We walk quiet and careful back up to her room in the dark, and I try not to trip up on anything. I try not to care that she's wearing an old red and white jersey shirt that barely covers her, and I swear that's _all_ she's wearing.

Once we get up to her room, she sits back on her bed, but I'm not that brave, so I stay standing by her door.

"Come here." She says after yawning into the back of her hand.

"No." I'll never leave if I do.

She giggles.

"You just came over to stand in the corner?"

I came over to talk, but words aren't really forming, so she's getting off the bed and walking toward me. Once she's standing too close to me, my hand moves up to her face to brush a few stray strands of red out of her face. I just wanted to see her face better in the lightly lit room, but she leans into my hand, making me wrap fingers around the back of her neck.

Yeah, this wasn't a good idea. And I'm an idiot.

"Were you with Beck?" She doesn't sound anything but normal when she asks, like she doesn't even care which way I answer.

"Does that bother you?" I ask genuinely, because it never seems too, and it's like the way Cat sees things has always been a little skewed.

She smiles a little, and starts pulling gently on my hips, moving us back toward the bed.

"Should it?" All coy smiles when she says it, and it's sexier than it should be. "You like Beck, you always have. That's okay. You can like me too." The back of her knees hit her mattress, and she falls back on it, sitting and moving my hips in between her legs.

Yeah, right.

"I don't think I can." Because it's already almost too much. It's already like drowning. She's already pulling me onto the bed by my shirt, and I'm already letting her. I settle over her, tangling myself in her, and she's smiling and kissing me. Her fingers wrapping in my hair and then breaking away from me,

"But you do, don't you?" All smiles and dark eyes. "You like me?"

Like she's even giving me a choice.

"Yes."

Then I'm kissing her back, pushing her against the mattress, and I really didn't come here for this. I wanted to find some way to get out of this without losing anything that I wouldn't be able to get back. Some way to fix things without having the ability to fix anything. But now I'm here, and she's coy and giggles and not broken at all. Not even a little. Like she doesn't even remember, doesn't even care, just as long as I'm here.

And I realize that I did come here, after being with Beck, just like she told me to.

But she's not letting me focus on it, and the thought is blurring and slipping away while I listen to her moan against my mouth. Arching her back, pushing her chest into mine, she's bold and confident, and completely put together. And just like that, I'm back to bad thoughts and breaking pretty things until they're nothing but exploding stars. Just like that, I'm me again and she's letting me grab her wrists roughly, pushing and pressing, and feeling my hands sink into a bed overstuffed with comforters and blankets. Her arms start sliding up and over her head, as my hands move down her arms and trace over the curves of her chest. When I break the kiss, she's breathing hard, and wrapping legs around mine.

She wants this, and for once, I really have to wonder why. She wants me, and I can't for the life of me see a reason for it, but there must be something, something she gets out of this. Hell if I know what it is, but when my fingers start kneading and pinching gently at the stiff peaks I just found, she starts pushing herself against my thigh. And that's got to be what 'want' looks like, right?

As I move my hands over her, I find out quick that she's braless, just a jersey shirt and panties, but even that is iffy. Because I start moving under and up, running nails up her stomach and over ribs, my brain swimming from the feeling of her skin. I kiss her again just needing something to anchor me, but her lips aren't enough because mine stray too quickly, along her jaw line and reaching her neck.

She whispers my name in my ear, but it isn't anything like any other time she's said it, and something about it drives me. I suck hard on the soft skin under my mouth, and then rake my teeth along the tendon in her neck.

Oh, and Cat, she just—…bucks against me. Like I just set something off inside her, and it starts all kinds of fires inside me.

The kind of fires that makes me rip her shirt up and over her head, without anything resembling patience. Then my lips are on her again, as fast as I can manage, kissing and sucking at soft and perfect skin until my mouth attaches itself to her breast. I run my tongue over a nipple and it causes her to wrap her hands in my hair, arching her back into me. I'm reluctantly moving away from her and moving up to face her, while her hands go back over her head with my assistance.

Once she's back where I want her, she looks at me with those expecting eyes that make me want to be what she's expecting. My fingers gently push her head to one side, dipping my lips close to her ear.

"I'll let you touch if you're good."

She sucks in a sharp breath.

I trace the hollow of her ear with my tongue.

I like this.

Way too fucking much.

My hips push into her hers as if for emphasis of the fact, but it really only reminds me that I'm still fully clothed and her skin is too inviting for that. I kneel up on her bed fast, straddling her thigh, and pulling my shirt over my head. I only pause once when I see Cat laid out under me. My breath catches a bit at the sight, all small and soft, and beautiful, stretching out and arching up…and once my shirt is thrown out of my hands my lips are on her neck again. Working more on the growing dark patch, not wanting to stop sucking because it makes her start rocking against me. My hands move to her chest and she's moaning soft against my hair.

"Please Jade," I finish trailing kisses down her collarbone before moving to face her. "I need you." And need is definitely in her voice, while her bottom lip juts out a bit to pout.

I lean in to nip at it a bit.

"What about me do you need?" My voice is rough, making me wonder if it's even mine.

"I need your fingers…" She doesn't miss a beat. Like she's said it a hundred times before— "I need you inside me." Her thigh moves up against me, not letting me focus on it, and the thought is blurring and slipping away. I kiss her, my hand instinctively moving down the soft muscles of her stomach, and starts to toy with the line of cloth that my fingers come across.

I pause, looking at her but not really knowing why. It's not as if I'm scared. Not like this is a line that we can never uncross.

Yeah, right.

I kiss her deep and slow, before she sees the hesitation cross my face, my fingers tentatively moving under cotton. Her hips jerk a little against my hand, and her moaning against my mouth encourages me to go deeper through folds and my thumb starts to brush against nerves.

She's wet and wanting, and it's driving me crazy.

Her lips pull away from me, "Pretty please, Jade," Cracked and quiet whispering in my ear, but it's still Cat. Still devious and feigned innocence. My fingers move faster and more confident. "With a cherry on top."

Fuck.

She's driving me crazy.

And just like that, I'm inside her, and it's tight and—God…

This is sin. It's got to be, because the only things that feel this good are things that I shouldn't be doing. Bad things. This is bad, but right now I can't think of one reason why. Delusional and blinded by this wet heat that I've found myself moving through.

I'm moaning now, crashing into her lips with force.

Her body is moving against mine, with mine, and I'm moving in her, and she moves around me. It's like dancing, like fluid, like perfection.

The faster I go, the quicker she is to catch up, until I see her speed past me altogether. Until I can see her body start to tense, and she's saying she's close. I'm breathing hot against her cheek when I tell her to come.

And she does.

It's like glitter from exploding stars.

And it's beautiful.

Eventually she catches her breath and is able to focus again, and her eyes move to focus on me, lying on my side next to her, watching her.

She hums to herself a little, scooting closer to me.

"Was I good?"

I almost laugh, but she's teasing when she says it.

"So good."

"Does that mean I can touch now?"

My eyebrow goes up slowly, as does the corner of my mouth, forming a smirk.

I realize there's worse ways to be driven crazy.

[]

I wake up sometime in the middle of the night, no sign of light coming from her pink curtained window. It could have been the bright colors of her room burning their way into my brain that woke me, but more than likely it's her phone buzzing next to my ear.

After a second, it stops, the screen staying lit and shining some light on this little girl that's wrapped herself around me.

In the darkness and without watching eyes, I smile, all toothy and ridiculous, the kind of smile that happy people make. Her face is pushed into my shoulder, her arm around my hip.

Eventually the light goes out, and everything's dark again.

I feel my way towards her phone without stirring her, wanting to be able to see her face again without waking her up. I pick it up, and poke any buttons I can find until the glow is back, making me squint a little at it being so close to my face.

Once my eyes adjust, I see who texted her at 3:17 in the morning.

_i miss u_

It's from Tori.

What the fuck?

[]


	7. Just For Spite

A/N: As you might have guessed, there's a little Cat/Tori on the way. I didn't really plan for it, but it happened, because in my literary world of adventure, all girls are gay. :)

[]

Just For Spite

[]

I push Cat away from me and get out of bed. Blindly searching for my cloths, I hear her stirring.

Anyone, _anyone_ but fucking Tori.

Cat turns on her bedside lamp, and I'm grateful because now I can see my shirt. I start dressing quickly.

"Jade? What's wrong?"

"I don't know, why don't you ask _Tori_?" I snap, after I get my bra on. I look at her with mock surprise and a raised finger. "I bet I can tell you what she'd say. She _misses_ you."

She glances at her phone then back at me, and stays quiet as I put my jeans on.

Fuck you, Cat.

So, so, so fucking much.

"Have you two…been—" I can't even finish the sentence, because I don't even want to know. I don't, but I do so much.

And she's just looking at me quiet, and she won't even try to deny it.

But she told me she was never with anybody before, and now I can't even see straight.

I yank my shirt over my head and storm over to the bed.

"Nobody plays me, Cat. Nobody." I yell at her and she flinches, holding the covers tight to her chest.

I turn around, and before I charge out of her room, I hear her.

"That's because you're not playing fair."

I turn back to face her, just fuming.

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"You like Beck, and you like me." Her eyes shift again, and they're as dark as always, but her smile is weak. "I like you, and I like Tori. Fair's fair."

No. Fuck no; she doesn't get to do this.

I raise my hand, before I even know what I'm doing, but I think I'm about to smack that smile right off her face.

Bad, bad, bad thoughts, and she sees it, knows it, and she's kneeling on her bed to be eye level to me. The covers are falling off her, and she's just inches away.

"You won't hurt me."

My raised hand bunches into a fist and starts to lower.

"Then why is that all I ever want to do?" I'm breaking when I say it.

Her face is soft and confused when she reaches out for me, but I jerk away and take a few steps back.

"Have fun with Tori, because I'm done."

Then I leave.

[]

The next day between classes, Tori comes up to me and Beck. Because I'm a sinner and a whore and God's punishing me for it. I don't look up at her, because I'm pretty sure I'd rip out her eyes if I had to look at them.

"Do you guys know if Cat's dating anyone?"

Apparently, Cat dates everyone.

Both of them stay quiet for a moment, expecting me to be the first that talks. As if I was fucking her last night and that's the reason why she has that dark hickey on her neck. I play with the strap of my book bag and ignore them.

"I don't know," Beck says finally. "Why?"

"She said she started seeing some kid from North Ridge."

"Then she's probably dating that kid from North Ridge." There's a laugh in his voice when he says it.

She chuckles a little, and I want to punch her in the throat.

"It's just weird that she's never said anything about him."

It's probably hard to talk when her tongue is shoved in Cat's mouth.

God, just go away Tori.

I've never been closer to committing a murder than I am right now.

Gratefully, the bell rings, and I walk to my next class, not waiting for Beck to follow.

When he catches up to me, he asks if I'm alright. I say I'm fine, just tired.

[]

I fuck Beck almost every day for two weeks.

Just to prove that I can. To prove that I don't need her.

But every time, I can't climax.

So, I fake it, just for spite.

[]

Every time, I leave marks on him. Sometimes on his neck or on his chest, and at lunch I run my fingers over the bruised skin while he whispers dirty things in my ear, and I think about Cat every time. I think about Cat saying those things to me, and it makes me wet, and then I feel dirty, and then I just want to cry.

It doesn't take long for Tori to forgive Cat, and they start talking and smiling and laughing again. And sometimes I see Tori's hand go on her thigh under the lunch table.

Nothing feels right anymore.

If I'm not blindingly angry or sad and morose, I just want to die.

And it's little comfort, the times I catch Cat watching us. Looking at me touching him with the first show of jealousy in her eyes.

It's almost enough to know that's she's not as happy with cookie cutter Tori as she pretends, and not nearly as unaffected by this as I thought.

But it's not enough. Because it's Cat, and almost is never going to be enough.

[]


	8. Fair Play

[]

Fair Play

[]

I'm just finishing drying my hands when Cat comes into the bathroom, and I figure it's on purpose, because she looks directly at me without any surprise.

I sigh and throw the paper towels away, and I really don't need this right now. I don't need her. I don't.

Fuck.

"I didn't sleep with Tori." I look back at her, and my relief is almost completely beaten to death by anger at the sound of Cat saying her name. Her eyes go downcast as she continues. "I know that's what you were going to ask me, but you didn't."

"Maybe because I don't care." I spit at her, and she leans on the far sink.

"I just wanted you to know that I didn't lie to you," She ignores my biting comment, because lately my lies don't seem to hold much weight. My feet seem to start taking steps toward her on their own accord. "When I said that I hadn't been with anyone."

Maybe she didn't lie, and maybe she's lying right now, but the latter is something I can live without so I don't focus on it.

"What did you do with her?" Because I don't want to know, but at the same time I kind of have to.

"We just kissed." She shrugs, not meeting my eyes.

I'm in front of her now, not getting any less angry.

"Just once? Like, a pecked on the cheek? What the hell does that mean?"

Finally she looks at me.

"We made out…" Then her eyes are back on the floor. "And she felt me up a little."

"What about now?" I ask, and when she looks at me, there's guilt shining in her eyes, and I really liked it better back when she never showed me it. "What did you do to make her forgive you so quick…" My fingers move to her neck, tracing a long gone bruise. "For your little slip?"

Cat stays quiet, avoiding eye contact, so I close the space between us moving my lips next to her ear, and I hear her gasp. I feel her grab the edges of the sink for support as I push into her more. "Did you tell her it was just some horny boy from North Ridge?" Then I change my voice from something dark, to high and mocking. "It didn't mean anything." Both my hands moved down her chest, over her breasts, grabbing them roughly through the thin material of her shirt. "He was sloppy and handsy," I keep moving my hands until I feel stiff nipples moving against my palms, then I pinch hard. Her hips push into mine, and mine push right back. My right hand migrates south, lightly tracing the strip of skin that's exposed between her shirt and the waistband of her jean shorts. And my lips, they stay right here against her ear. "He didn't finger me so hard that I came all over his hand."

Fingers dip lower, just past the elastic of her underwear, and then they move back up her stomach. She whimpers a little at the change in direction. "Let's kiss and make up, baby." I trail my lips along her jaw line, and slowly my voice seems to be losing its sarcasm, and turning more into my broken mess of a sound. "I'll prove how much better you are than him." I say it when my eyes meet hers again, nothing fake about my voice, and so close to her lips. And I want to. I want to so bad.

But I don't care how beautiful she is, or how unbreakable she thinks she is.

I won't share her.

So, I back away from her when she leans in to kiss me, and the look on her face is something angry that I don't see often.

Without a word, I grab my bag and make a move to leave.

"You're not playing fair."

She says it again, broken syllables tearing me apart.

"I'm not playing."

[]

Now I can barely stand it when he touches me.

And sometimes, when he looks at me, it's like he's just waiting for me to grow a pair and break up with him.

It causes fights.

And yelling in the hallways, slamming doors, and squealing tires.

A lot of 'get out's and 'fuck you's, and a lot of staying together because it's comfortable.

The one time that Cat texts me,

She asks me to come over.

I know I'd break her if I did.

Instead, I break my phone, throwing it against my bedroom wall.

[]


	9. Fast Ride

A/N: I know I disappeared, and suck for it. I'm adding a little more to this story than I intended though, so maybe that'll make up for it. :)

[]

Fast Ride

[]

Cat and Tori make their way towards the lunch table that Andre and I are sitting at, and as soon as I see them I look down at my half wilted three dollar salad. Because they've been pretty much glued at the hip for the last three weeks, and I've been pretty much skipping lunch as much as I can.

I'm about to get up and leave when I hear Cat's phone go off.

"Oh, no." She says quietly, and it makes me look up and see her reading her screen.

"What's up?" She asks. I fucking hate you Tori, that's what's up.

"They think my brother swallowed a spoon. They had to take him to a hospital."

Andre pats her on the shoulder, "I'm sorry Little Red."

"It's okay," All happy tones, because really it will be a national holiday the day that weirdo _doesn't_ swallow something. "But I need a ride a home now."

"I'll take you." My cheeks turn a little red at how fast I say it, before I even have the thought fully formed, it comes out of my mouth like it's pulled. It comes out as soon as I see Tori's mouth open to offer her some knight in shining armor assistance.

Everyone looks at me curiously at my sudden show of, well, anything resembling kindness. Except Cat just looks at me with a growing smile and dark eyes. I'm already regretting this. A lot.

"There's a book store by Cat's house that I want to go to." I add, trying to cover for myself.

"You don't have to." My glare cuts into Tori when she says it.

Then Cat's eyes shift to normal, when she looks at her. "It's okay; I don't mind Jade driving me."

"Are you sure?" Tori says tensely, and too quiet for it to be something she wants anyone but Cat to hear, but I do.

"You heard her," My eyebrow raises when she shifts her gaze towards me. "She wants _me_ to take her home."

Then I smile, she glares, and Cat smirks.

This is bad idea.

[]

We drive in silence for the whole way to her house. She plays with the radio stations, and I try not to crash into another car with the way she keeps distracting me. Sitting there, humming to songs, and I hope Tori appreciates all these barely-there shorts she keeps wearing. Because I would. I do. She probably does too. Fuck.

I almost miss my turn.

She probably peels them off Cat, right before her legs wrap around Tori's hips.

I swerve to miss a curb.

Tori probably doesn't even fuck her, she makes love to her, sweet and tender and giggles and modest exploring of each other. Because Tori is nice and kind and generous. And I'm not.

I finally make it to her house, jerking it into park and sighing.

"Thanks for the ride."

Just keep your eyes forward, don't think about how much you want to slide your fingers over her thighs, to feel the heat at where they meet.

"Yeah."

"My parents will be gone for a while, if you want to come in." She sing songs to me, unnaturally adorable.

I finally look over at her as she takes my hand that's loosely gripping the steering wheel.

"Isn't that what you have Tori for?" Is my snide answer.

She turns my palm up, and starts tracing circles on the inside of my hand. I feel goose bumps start to rise on my arms.

"She's not here now, is she?" She keeps tracing and tracing, and I flip my hand over to grab her wrist.

"You know, this isn't a game."

I start to pull her towards me, and she just lets me, utterly trusting.

"But I like games, Jade." Her voice is childish and condescending, and she's close to me now, our lips almost touching. "I'm good at games."

I kiss her, and God I missed this. I'm rough and demanding, and probably nothing like Tori would be, but she doesn't mind. She couldn't, the way she's pulling me into her by the back of my neck. She's moaning and whimpering, and I haven't even touched her yet. I smile a little against her lips. She missed me too.

My hands slide under her shirt, and my mouth moves so fast against hers, I'm getting dizzy. I'm going too fast, feeling her over her bra, moving over her, as she slides under me. When I finally break away, she's practically sprawled out over the front seats, and one of my knees is on the driver's seat, the other pressed against the gear shift. This isn't exactly comfortable or ideal, but Cat's fingers start to work on the buttons of my jeans, and her legs are tangled in mine, and we are moving way to fast.

I lean down and kiss her again, right when her hand finds its path past the barrier of my underwear, moving through wet heat. I already know how wet I am. But she breaks away from the kiss and tells me anyway, whispering in my ear, making me buck a bit against her hand. Then, all I can see is her neck, and when I put my lips to it, I want to bite, suck, and make it bleed out and spell my name.

But I stop myself, because it reminds me of Tori. Because she's with Cat, and that fact alone isn't anything I care about, but she's _with_ her…and that's something I can't stand.

I leave light kisses on her neck, trailing up to her ear.

"You can't be with Tori."

I hear her giggle.

"Yes I can." I see red at that, but it's blurred by the sudden change of pace that her fingers have taken. "I can be with anyone I want." Her other hand goes under my shirt, and it's becoming harder to focus on my anger right now. "I can be with her, and I can be with," She slides a finger inside of me. "You."

My teeth clench as I exhale, and she starts to sit up to meet my lips.

We kiss, and I try to take off her shirt, but she's pulling away, and I groan as the lack of contact entails both of her hands.

"What—?" I try to say against her lips, making her pull away from those too.

"I have a bed that's warm and comfortable, and calling our names."

"I don't want to." I mumble, trying to kiss her, but she pulls away again, confused.

"Why not?"

I sigh, annoyed, "Because at least I know she hasn't fucked you in my car." And I really didn't mean to say that. But I did, and now she's quiet. Just still, processing, and before I start to feel too much weight on my chest, her smile and dark eyes are back.

"She's never been over to my house."

Her hands push back on my shoulders gently, situating ourselves back in our original position.

"I don't believe you."

She shrugs.

"I've only lied to you once, Jade."

What the fuck?

My brain starts moving over everything she's ever said to me in the last month, in some desperate quest to overreact.

"What did you lie to me about?" I practically yell, sound echoing off the car windows, and she just fucking smiles.

"I'll tell you if you come inside." She opens the door and leaves, before I have a chance to grab her by the arm and dig my nails in until she stops playing me.

But she's walking away, opening her front door, and I'm getting out of my car, following her like a pet.


	10. Mine

[]

Mine

[]

I force myself not to run after her, following at a distance until we get into her bedroom.

Then I'm leaning down a little to kiss her, brushing the hair out of her face, and she's arching up on tip toes, trying to deepen the kiss, but I don't let her. Staying just close enough to be soft against her lips, almost tender, because she thinks she got me. She thinks that she was breaking me, making me mad, and that I'll take her hard. Demand answers and see red when she teases me. I'm starting to see a pattern of what Cat does, and she keeps playing me to get what she wants. But when she was walking slow up the steps to her room, I realized something that maybe she didn't. She keeps blind siding me, keeping two steps ahead of me, but I'm catching up, little girl.

She starts pulling us toward her bed, and I let her, but I don't let her get closer to me. When we're sitting, I don't speed up my pace, I don't push her down, just gentle explorations of her mouth that makes her whimper a bit out of frustration. As she makes signs to push herself closer to me, my mouth moves down past her jaw line and I place feather light kisses down her neck. I move my fingers under the hem of her shirt, and feel the curve of her hips, move them to the small of her back.

After slight hesitation, her hands rest on the top of my shoulders, "Why are you teasing me?" Her voice is filled with imitation and exasperation. Poor baby.

I move back up to her ear and whisper sickly sweet, "I'm giving you what you want." My lips nip at her earlobe before I quickly peel her shirt off. "If you want her, then you want this." I glide her body down with mine until she's lying under me, and I'm running my nails lightly over her chest and down her stomach. Then I snap the straps of her bra a little and give a firm, "Off." And she does, so quick and eager, tossing her bra aside. My lips go back on her neck, kissing, gently running my tongue along her collarbone. "This is how she is with you, isn't it?" I move my mouth around her breast, barely touching skin, and she arches into me. "She's sweet and soft, and takes her time, doesn't she?" I blow air gently on her nipple, watching it harden while I wait for her to answer.

She gasps a little.

"Yes."

"That must be what you want, then." My breath is on her while I talk, and then I'm moving my lips south, over the toned muscles of her stomach.

She whimpers.

"No,"

I place kisses just below her belly button.

"No?"

"I want you," My head raises a little, to watch her watching me. "Just you." She's breaking when she says it. Breaking apart and it's beautiful.

My hands go to unbutton her shorts, and I slowly peel them off her, because I really like her like this, frustrated and exasperated. Not being able to get the upper hand.

"Tell me Cat," My nails run up her thighs that have wrapped themselves around my hips while I sit up and look down at her. She tries to move her hips up against my legs for friction, but I stop her quick, my hands gripping her hips and keeping her still. "What did you lie to me about?" I keep my eyes on her; press my thumbs into bone a little

"When—" She squirms a bit and takes a breath. "When I said that most of the time I thought about you, when I touch myself." My eyes narrow. "I lied, because," My thumb digs in a little more, making her flinch. "Because I think about you every time."

"Every time?"

"Yes," Maybe she's lying, but maybe she isn't. Maybe she never has. But Cat has always been a good actress.

Despite my cynical and paranoid side, I feel a smirk grow on my face, because I just want to believe her. I need to, because I need her. I need this.

"Whenever I touch myself," My right hand starts moving over cotton panties. "Whenever someone else touches me," Fingers pushing into her, she's arching against me, moving her hands to her breasts. I need to have every part of her. I won't stop until I do. "I always think about you."

I pull the last piece of material off of her with blinding speed, dropping down on her. She meets my lips with some kind of passion that's burning, that's melting me, and I barely register that she's moving her legs, positioning a thigh between mine. But when she pushes up, I register that. I start moaning into her lips, and grinding my hips down on her.

My hand moves between her legs, making her almost cry out the way I push down and slide inside. She couldn't be faking this. She couldn't be lying about the way I'm making her buck and shake against me.

Maybe she is lying, but I spend the rest of the night having her beg for me. Gasping out my name.

Tonight she's mine.

[]


	11. Show and Tell

[]

Show and Tell

[]

The next few days Tori avoids Cat like she has the bubonic plague, and that tickles me a bit. But, at the same time it worries me, because if Tori knows about me and Cat, she could have the urge to tell Beck. Because Tori is so freakin' chummy with everybody. So I keep close to Beck, just in case.

Cat doesn't seem to care, either way, so utterly unaffected as always. But still, it worries me, so I text Cat to meet me in the restroom during lunch.

When she does, she's late and half of my fingernails have been gnawed off. But as soon as I see her, I have to resist the strong urge to wrap my fingers through those red locks and pull those lips into mine. Like she's in my veins now, and not letting go, bouncing up to me in a frilly pink skirt, and saying my name all sugary sweet innocence. It's a very strong urge, that I almost give in to, because _damn_, she's just here, snaking her hands under my shirt and leaving shivers in their wake.

I didn't leave her house yesterday until well after dark, both of us spent and sated, but now she's acting like she hasn't seen me in a month. I'm starting to realize that she's kind insatiable. And I'm kind of too.

But I need to focus.

There's a reason why I'm here, and it takes priority. I need to know if I'm still going to have a boyfriend by the end of school.

Like I even have one now.

I start to pull her off of me with a smirk, and rolling my eyes a little at the fake little whimper she gives me, looking up at me with those deep brown eyes.

"So, you and Tori…Trouble in paradise?" Her arms drop willingly at that, and now it's her turn to roll her eyes.

"She's still mad I let you drive me home." Cat pulls away from me completely, and faces the mirrors, idly fixing stray locks of hair. She looks almost annoyed, but I still prod.

"Is that all she's mad about?"

Her eyes lock with mine through the reflection for a moment before she sighs. "I didn't tell her anything about us…" Then she turns back around towards me with that dark smile creeping up on her face. "And she can pout and be mad at me," She closes the space between us, wrapping her arms around my waist. Her lips are teasingly close to mine. "Or she can get over it and be with me."

And that little dig doesn't go unnoticed. I jerk my head back a bit, and sneer at her.

"What if she doesn't get over it?" Cat starts kissing lightly at my collarbone exposed from my V-neck shirt.

"She will…" Her hands slide up over the curve of my hips and under my shirt. "You did."

I grab the wrists of her exploring hands with force, pulling them away from me and holding them in between us. There's red in my eyes, and I can feel it. That burning.

"I'm not Tori." Through gritted teeth is my sharp response. Her eyes hold mine, a little anger flashing through hers too.

"Then stop acting like her…" Bitch. She's pushing me again, and I'm letting her. So I push back, pushing her into the door of the bathroom, pinning her wrists on either side of her head. And she lets me. She even moans when her back hits the wood of the door.

Fuck. I need her. Now. _Fuck_.

"You don't own me." Oh, she's all defiant when she says it. All snarky and strong. Playing me, and the way I'm burning; she may as well be playing with fire.

I don't own her?

"The fuck I don't." I growl at her, crashing my lips against hers, feeling her smiling against mine.

And I show her again, as her hands stretch out my shirt, her nails digging into my back.

I show her how wet she is for me.

I show her how fast I can get her to come, when my teeth dig into her bottom lip. I taste blood, and she's moving her hips faster against my hand.

And she knows, with the way she's shaking and tensing, and _clenching_ around my fingers.

Whispering my name, hot and wet against my ear.

She's mine.

[]

By the end of the school day, I see Cat and Tori making out in an empty classroom.

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	12. Picture Perfect

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Picture Perfect

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She's winning. She's not playing fair, but she's winning. But it's like everything I try doesn't even make it up on the score board. I used to be the queen at this, so, so good at breaking anything and everything I want. But now I feel something breaking every time I'm with her. God, I almost fucking _cried_ when I saw them tongue wrestling at school.

I almost—…but I didn't, just walked away unnoticed and sulked in my car for about thirty minutes until;

Fuck her.

She wants to play? Well, I'm playing now.

And I'm going to hurt her.

[]

When I get to Beck's, he looks surprised to see me. Pretty understandable since we've been so distant lately. Even as I kiss him, he tenses, knowing something's wrong.

"What are you doing?"

As soon as the door to his R.V. closes, I'm whipping off my shirt, then my lips are on his again. I'm pulling at his wife beater, feeling familiar hard muscles underneath.

"I thought we were fighting." And he's trying to fight, hold me still, get me to look at him. But I don't need that now. Not any of that, so I just start nipping my way up to his ear.

"We're making up."

I pull his shirt off, with a little resistance, but there's something I know about Beck—

"Jade…" Is his warning tone, as I trail my nails down his chest.

Beck wants me. Behind that cool guy exterior is someone whose never been able to resist me, like, ever since he first saw me, he's wanted me, and he's never stopped. I don't really know why, but when I drop to my knees and look up at him with wide eyes, he's gone. Just glazed over and willing.

My fingers start to loosen the belt from his buckle, "You want me to stop?" I yank the belt off him in one strong swoop, and he's shaking his head.

His jeans are coming undone, and I used to love how hard he'd get just for me, how easy it was to get him like this. I used to love him—

No. Stop. Don't think about that. Think about Cat and how she's probably fucking Tori right now.

Because now it's just Cat swimming in my head, over and over again. And it's not fair to him, how good he's been to me when he was something I wanted, but now it's like a switch in my head that flipped, and suddenly it's shining a light on her. Even if she was always there, lingering in the dark, but there's light now and everything I'm doing is because of her. I'm here because of her, moving away from him even as we lie in bed, closer than any two people can get. I'm done with him though, the harsh realization settling in the back of my mind.

Stop.

…

But I don't. I tell him to go harder, faster, deeper, and it's not enough. He bites and scraps his way down my body, and even though it's not enough, it's still pain and I need it. From him. I deserve it.

By the time we're done, it's not even about Cat anymore. I don't know what it's about. I just know that I hate myself.

[]

I wake up cold and sweaty in the middle of the night, my hair clinging to Becks skin, and sheets clinging to my hips. After I sit up a little, I feel sore and dirty, and I want to leave. But whatever I was feeling while me and Beck were having sex, is mostly gone, making me determined to do one last thing before I leave. Beck starts to stir as I reach across him to get my phone, and scooting closer to him.

"Hey babe." He's half asleep when he mumbles to me.

"I have to go." I whisper gently.

"Stay." His arm wraps around my shoulder as I scan the apps in my phone, the light from it glowing up the little space of his bed.

"I can't. My Dad's coming back at like five a.m., and if I'm not home he'll snap." Beck starts kissing behind my ear, and I stretch out my arm and put the phone above us.

"What are you doing?" He asks, pulling away from me.

"Taking our picture."

"But, we're naked."

I roll my eyes, "I'm not going to put it in the yearbook." I shoot a smile at him. "It's just for me…now, I think you were kissing my neck?"

I push a button and an artificial shutter sound makes it official.

Once I get dressed, and get out to my car, I pull my phone back out. It shines at me for a minute with the picture of Beck half buried in my hair, and me smirking into the lens.

I send the picture to Cat, with a text; _fair's fair._

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	13. Tramp Stamps and Shotguns

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A/N: I'm still trying to decide if I'm going to have an all-out confrontation between Jade and Tori, so I'm testing the waters a bit in this chapter. Oh, and more car sex.

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Tramp Stamps and Shotguns

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The next morning I'm standing next to Beck's locker, while he's slouched over getting his books. My tongue keeps running over the length of my bottom lip, feeling the indentation that he left with his teeth. It's jagged and tastes like copper, making me get lost in my thoughts, wondering if Cat's lips taste like this.

She never responded to my text, and it's making me start to second guess my actions.

Tori would sure as hell know what Cat's lips tasted like. Probably still tasted like me. Yeah, I'm feeling less guilty all of a sudden.

Then, another all of sudden, Cat walks up to us, cheerfully greeting Beck's back. He's straightening up, grabbing stray sheets of paper out of his book, so her eyes stray toward me. I'm looking at her, right at her the whole time, but her eye contact is short lived, because just as quickly her line of vision lowers to my neck.

Oh, yeah. The hickey's. There's a few dark scorches coloring the tendons on my neck, and Cat doesn't like that. She's angry, and barely hides it when Beck turns to greet her. Apparently she _really_ doesn't like that. I figured, that's why I had him do it.

"Ready, babe?"

He voice pulls me out of my thoughts, with an arm around my shoulder. I shrug his arm off a little, telling him that I forgot a book in my locker, so he kisses me on my temple before we separate, him going to class, and me brushing past Cat to my locker without another glance toward red hair and eyes full of daggers. A shrill bell cuts through the thinning halls as I see her start to follow me. I hide a small smile behind the open door of my locker, pretending to shuffle some notebooks around.

"How is this fair?" I hear her through metal, before I shut the door to look at her. My smirk and raised eyebrow in tow.

"Shouldn't you be off finding empty classrooms with Tori?"

She blinks slow, realization setting in. "You saw us." She's quiet when she says it, her eyes focused somewhere else.

"Figured you'd like to know what you were missing while you were busy making up with Vega." I snap, but Cat doesn't react, just responds in the same tone, like she didn't even hear me.

"That's the only reason why you sent it to me?"

Yeah…well—

"That's the only reason why you're with her, isn't it? Trying to hurt me?"

Her eyes shift at that, and lock with mine with a familiar darkness that makes me feel like I'm losing it. Whatever control I gained over her, it's going and fast. Her gaze moves down to my neck, and I watch fascinated as her tongue swipes over her bottom lip. Going fast, because her mouth is perfectly level to one brazen hickey, as I quickly find out when she closes the space between us and attaches her lips to my neck.

Right in the middle of the fucking hallway. I glance quickly, grateful to see the halls clear, my hand swiftly going to the back of her head, and fingers wrap into her hair, ready to pull her away harshly.

But then she sucks hard, and—fuck…God—I can't think.

Suddenly, my hand in her hair is pulling her into me, as my knees buckle a little.

Then, a quick bite and she separates from me.

The pad of her thumb comes up and swipes at the fresh bruise, covering an old one.

"Apparently, that's the only reason why you're still with Beck…" Cat sucks the length of her thumb past her lips and into her mouth, then out again. "But I already told you…" I have to shake myself out of the lock my eyes have on her lips, so that I could look at her again. "You won't hurt me."

She turns around and walks to class, leaving me to exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding.

Yeah, she keeps saying that.

[]

I'm the first one at our table at lunch, and of course, because I have the luck of a freaking leprechaun, Tori comes up and sits down across from me. Beck's still off getting my lunch, so I don't even have anything to distract me from this waiting disaster.

She's looking at me too, in a glaring sort of 'you're banging my girlfriend' way. But I know I'm overreacting, because she doesn't know. No one knows, so it's okay, just our normal hatred for each other coming off as something more. I can do this. Just stay quiet until he comes back.

"Nice tramp stamps." She says suddenly, with a bit of venom.

Fucking bitch.

Well, my murderous thoughts didn't take long, and I bite the inside of cheeks to keep from me verbally destroying everything she is. Like voices in my head telling me to kill, but I can't. Just stay quiet, don't react, because that's what she wants. Don't give her what she wants.

…Maybe she saw us in the hallway today. She's looking at me like she saw us. No, I'm overreacting.

Keep biting, stay quiet—

"They're from Beck."

Why the hell did I just say that? I couldn't have just said something mean and sarcastic, or something horrible and cruel. No, I had to say the stupidest thing possible.

She breaks eye contact at that, looking away from the table with a locked jaw.

"Who else would they be from?" Her eyes go back to me, piercing holes, and I steel my face, refusing any form of guilt to show.

Beck comes up behind me, setting down my lunch, and then Cat shows up sitting next to Tori looking a little nervous. He slides close to me, with an arm around my shoulder, and Tori's hand goes under the table to rest on Cat's thigh.

"So, what are we talking about?" He asks, innocently through the tension that a hacksaw wouldn't even make a dent in.

[]

Once school's over, she comes skipping up to my car right after I get in and shut the door. So she starts tapping on my driver's side window with her bright smile on high beams. I roll it down and she leans her forearms on the window sill.

"Can you give me a ride home?"

"Won't your girlfriend get mad?" I counter, because I'm not completely convinced that Tori doesn't know exactly what's going on between us, and she's the last person that I want to be caught by. But that doesn't stop Cat from leaning into my car, so close to my face, that I inch away a little, because there's about a hundred kids walking around this parking lot right now.

"She's not my girlfriend." She half whispers, and I can smell candy on her breath, and I know she'll taste like a sucker or gummy bears or something sweet and sugary.

"You tell her that?" I reply, because really, people from space think that they're dating. Hell, at least half the people in school do from quiet rumors that I try to ignore. A smirk starts to grow on her mouth, because my eyes are glued on her lips thinking about candy.

"I'll just get a ride from her then," Yeah, right. I could just kiss her quick if no one was looking, just to taste her. But then, her lips move out of view and against my ear. "And later tonight I'll take a pic of us together and send it to you." That gets my attention. Because I know, with every ounce of myself, that she definitely would.

Her face comes back into view, but still lingering close to me. I don't even want to think about what I would do if she sent me a picture of them. It wouldn't be anything like what she's doing. It'd be bad, and angry and violent. So, I won't think about it.

"…Get in."

As she skips her way around my car to the passenger side, I hear a cheerful announcement of 'shotgun', and it makes me roll my eyes, wondering if she thought the imaginary people in my car were going to make her ride in the back.

Once we get off school grounds and onto the main road, I'm pretty confident that I'm not going to let her distract me as much on this ride. But her plans are very much so otherwise, and I try to brush her off me while she's leaning over to my seat and moving my hair off my neck. Fingers start roaming over a few hickeys, and it instantly reminds me of lips and teeth, and none of which belong to Beck.

My hands grip tighter on the steering wheel. Ten and two, and she should be buckled. Because we might crash.

"Did he get you off?" She asks low and serious, and I almost tell her the truth. But then there's that pride that got me in this mess in the first place.

"Yes."

Cat giggles. And then there's her that can always see right through me. For some fucking reason.

"You're lying." Her voice is teasing and I start burning at it.

"Fuck you." I manage to sound as hateful as I can when I say it, which isn't all that much. Then I feel her shift closer to me, as we make a turn. Eyes on the road, West.

"Bet you want to, don't you?" Her voice is hot against my ear, and God _damn_, I don't think I've heard her sound like this before. Rough and dark, and it really shouldn't sound as sexy as it does. But it does. "All hot and bothered after yesterday in the bathroom," Her hand starts roaming under my shirt to move over the soft muscles in my stomach, and trace the waistband of my black stretch pants. Unsuccessfully, I try to push her away, but she just twists and giggles, and moves her hand deeper into my shirt. "And Beck couldn't help…" I should have worn jeans. "But I could." Her teeth nip at my ear gently.

Then Cat's hand pushes itself under the waist band of my pants, under the barrier of my underwear. I jerk at the sudden movement, and the feelings of her moving over me with a gentle pressure, but I feel it like electricity running through me and short circuiting my brain.

"Stop—" I manage to squeak out, hips lifting when she brushes her thumb against a bundle of nerves that make my words die out.

"Aw, you don't mean that."

Her hand moves through my hair and suddenly I feel two fingers slide inside me, my breath catching at the sensation. I hear the screech of my hubcap against a curb, so I turn the wheel sharply back into my lane, overcompensating a bit, and almost side swiping another car.

She moves faster against me, and my jerking hips start turning into a rocking motion.

I vaguely register a few honking horns passing me.

Damn. Damn. Damn. We're going to die.

"I'm gunna crash into a fucking wall, Cat." Despite my words, one of my hands lets go of the steering wheel, moving to cover hers, pushing her deeper.

…Fuck.

She hums a little against my cheek. "Me too." Emphasizing her point by curving her finger inside me. Ohgodohgodohgod.

"…you're so close, aren't you?" I'm not exactly sure when she decided to play my role, making me melt under her, making me ready to beg—just _beg_ for her. God. I'm so close.

Finally, I get some luck and my car jerks to a stop at a red light. Now. I need this now.

"…my neck, like—…you did in the hall." I can only hope that she gets what I'm trying to say, and it only takes a second for the pads of her fingers to start tracing the tendon of my neck, but her other fingers start to slow.

"Say you're sorry." Her voice is rough and dark again, and what the hell is she talking about? This light won't stay red forever.

"Wha—?"

"For the picture." Oh…So that's why she's wrapping me around her fingers, making me swerve all over the road. She's mad. "Tell me you're sorry." She says again, and there's a pride about me that refuses to, but about every other part of me would do anything she says right now. And right now, I know she's got a right to be mad, and I can't think of a single good reason why I did it. Right now, I'm sorry. I'm anything she wants me to be.

"I-I'm sorry." Once the words come out, her hand starts moving quicker against me, my hips rolling to meet her. Her lips come down to brush my neck, but before she makes contact, sucking and biting, and sending me over the edge fast, so fast,

I hear her whisper it;

"Good girl."

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	14. Always

A/N: Oh, I suck. I know. But I actually did have a good reason for my absence, being that I recently had to pick up and move to a different city and start a new job. But some of you might say, 'hey it doesn't take _that long_ to move to a different place and then plug your freaking computer back in'. And to that I say…Also the earth opened, and I had to battle demons from hell with just my wit and broad sword. Annnnyhoooo. We are coming towards the end of our Cade adventure, so that means less sex and more angst. I'm just as disappointed as you, believe me, but I think we're ready to grow as people. There's still a few chapters ahead though, so I'll shut up and let you get to it. –ps—thank you to everyone who told me to get off my lazy butt and finish this story. It made me not give up on it entirely, so honestly, thank you.

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Always

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Yeah, we didn't make it to Cat's house.

I took a quick detour, because my place is almost always empty, and I needed to get her back on my terms.

Oh, and I do, both of us crashing through my door, with me practically tearing her shirt off. Her back's against a wall almost instantly, my lips on hers and hands pushing her arms above her head. I hear paper ripping when she makes a show to try to fight me. As I break away from her, I briefly notice the band poster behind her starting to tear. But then her leg wraps around my hip, and I never really liked that band anyway.

Or the lamp we end up knocking over a minute later.

I need to get her back. My arm knocks off the clutter on my desk, almost instantly replacing it with her. My terms.

My hands grip at her hips, pulling her along the wooden surface, my fingers raking up her thighs and under her skirt.

"Hey Valentine," I say in a whisper that I try to keep steady. Her eyes shoot up to mine in surprise, because I haven't called her that in a long time. A toothy grin creeps up on my face as I drag her underwear down her thighs. "You remember when we first met?" Her eyes stay on mine as I pull the lacy material past her knees and she kicks them off.

"Yeah," Looking at me with those big dark brown eyes that make me want to melt. "I caught you smoking with some senior kids behind the school."

My hand moves back up along her inner thighs, and she opens up for me like she isn't made to do anything else.

"I saw you watching us."

My thumb nail teases against her folds so lightly.

"You were so mad."

Her breath hitches and hips jerk

"I made you promise not tell."

My other hand moves over her bra, palm pushing into faint feeling of her nipple.

"Told you that good girls don't snitch."

Two of my fingers feel how wet I'm making her as my thumb starts moving circles over her clit. I push my fingers in just a little, just enough for her to grip at my shoulders and try to pull me in deeper with her hips.

"And you wanted to be good for me, didn't you?" I say, my lips brushing against hers, making her squirm, her eyes fluttering.

"Yes." She whispers, diving in for my lips, but I pull away. "Please," She's so beautiful, so beautiful when she says it. "Please, Jade." It's like I don't even have a choice. I push my fingers inside her and capture her lips as she gasps from the sensation.

[]

Finally we make it to my bed, panting from swollen lips, her almost naked, and me working on joining her. Once my shirts off, her nails are in my back as my hands move under her bra.

God, it's beautiful.

She's beautiful.

And down, down I go, finishing off her clothes on my way. It only takes a minute for her to start crying out, the sound only muffled slightly by her legs wrapped around my head.

When I finally move back up, she's kissing me, and the moisture around my lips is like fuel to her. So we keep going, again and again, until we're spent and breathless. And I'm running my lips along the outside of her ear whispering; "Mine."

I hear her whisper back; "Always."

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	15. Some Kind of Love

A/N: Oh, my mistake. This is the chapter that has angst and a plot. That previous chapter just had more sex. Sorry 'bout that. ;)

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Some Kind of Love

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There's a mess of black and blue, and dark colors with streaks of red wrapped around my fingers, as I run my hand through her hair. It's stupid how perfect this is, how content I feel just watching the rise and fall of her chest. It's stupid how she makes me feel.

"Jade," She starts, causing me to look at her, both of us lying side by side on my bed. Once I see those brown eyes she smiles softly, causing me to mirror the action. It's stupid, and I love it.

"Hm?" I hum in response, my fingers abandoning her hair to run nails lightly over the tanned skin of her neck. I feel her shudder and it causes my smile to grow.

She swallows before whispering; "We can't do this forever."

Well, that didn't take long.

My eyes snap up to meet hers before narrowing, and other than that and my disappearing smile, I don't move.

"I thought we just spent the better part of the day making up—"

"No, no I mean, we _can_." Cat's quick to correct when she senses my confusion and anger rise. My body moves away from her slightly as she sits up a little, pulling the covers with her, and I'm already missing the body heat. "But I don't want to keep sneaking around."

I know where this is going, and I don't want to talk about it now. Just give me a little more of _this_, of what we were doing a minute ago. Just a little more before it all starts over again on repeat. I slide over and between her legs, pulling the covers down with me, and just hover over her in a sort of awe. She's just so fucking beautiful.

"I thought you liked sneaking around." My hands grip her thighs and playfully pull her down the bed, making our hips meet. I like it here.

Cat smiles softly, sitting up, which causes me to mirror the action.

"I like you." Her fingers take my left hand which was making its way over the rise of her ribs. She turns my hand over and looks at my palm.

"What about Tori?" I ask without wanting to, sitting on my knees with her legs still wrapped around me.

She starts tracing my palm. "I like you." Tracing and tracing, and I flip my hand over and grab her by the wrist.

"What are you even doing with her then, Cat?" My voice rises, anger lacing my words. "Are you using her to hurt me? 'Cause that's fucked up, even for my standards."

She rolls her eyes at me, and mine burn at her. "Right because you'd _never_ use Beck to hurt me." Cat tries to pull her wrist away from me, and I tighten my grasp. My other hand grabbing her free arm for good measure.

"I said I was sorry." My voice is serious and tense, and her eyes aren't focused on me, so I jerk her a little, making her gaze meet mine. "And you know I don't say that often." Ever. Yeah, I don't say that ever. It wasn't just her fucking it out of me. I said it because I meant it, but I'm not going to let her hold that over me. I don't need guilt trips, because I've been riding one ever since I was seven.

Her angry pout drifts from her face, as her arms loosen in my hands.

"Me and Tori…it happened before you even kissed me." Her voice is soft and thoughtful. "I never thought you actually would."

I pull on her wrists a little, and she lets me, leading her closer to me.

"But you wanted me to." Our lips are close when I whisper it.

"I've always wanted you…" She whispers back, then leans away just enough to focus on me, making me meet her eyes. "And I think you know that." Cat's voice has resentment in it. Just a little. Just enough to notice.

And maybe I did. Maybe I always knew, every time I'd snap at her, or say something dark and cruel, and she would just look at me too long with those wide eyes. It made me want to keep pushing, keep hurting, until I broke something beautiful. Maybe she knew that too.

I kiss her to cover the emotions that her words bring, but she doesn't seem to mind, kissing me back eagerly. My body pushes into her, making her fall on her back, her hands pinned on either side of her head by mine. I break away from her lips and listen to the heavy breathing against my ear as I move my mouth nip at her neck.

And we stay like this for a while, and I think that's just fine. I don't need anything more.

But somehow it turns into her clawing at the sheets again, my hands in her hair, and our hips meeting in a rough rhythm that's sporadic but it's intent clear. She arches and tenses under me, and I shake and curse above her.

…

Before I know it, Cat's almost dressed. Sitting on the edge of my bed, her skirt and shirt half-harzardly put back on while she works on her socks. I'm by the desk, in jeans and a bra looking for my phone in the ruins of our reckless entrance. When I finally do, I scan through unread messages and missed calls from Beck. I turn around to see Cat doing the same thing.

My phone gets shoved in my back pocket when she catches me watching her, as I move back over to the bed, dropping down next to her.

We both stay quiet for a minute as I lean back on my arms and she follows me with her eyes.

"I could stop seeing Tori, and you can leave Beck. We could be something, you and me."

I laugh a little loud short and rough, because she'd like that, wouldn't she? 'Cause I make such a great girlfriend, and she's apparently insane. It's not a bad thought by itself, not really. But there's a pressure in my chest, one I don't have a name for, and it makes me laugh. And makes me say things, anything that will make the pressure go away.

"Yeah, that's not going to happen." She looks at me almost annoyed, like I'm joking. But I'm not. Not at all. I sit back up, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but here.

"So is that all this is then? Just sex?"

My eyes go a little wide at that, and I make a show to scan the room in mock disbelief.

"What else would it be? All we do is have sex." I say the last sentence as if I'm speaking to a child, slow and enunciated.

"It's more than that and you know it." I don't know that, so I don't know how the hell she does. She goes on, her voice serious and low. "You can't look at me the way you do and tell me that it's not."

And on cue I break eye contact with her, not able to lift my head, not able to deny it. Damn.

"We can make this work." Her hand runs along my forearm, and I pull away and cross my arms. It makes her huff a little.

"I can't make anything work, Cat." I try to explain. Try to make her understand. "The only thing that works is what I've been doing and that—" That isn't even working. But she cuts me off before I can finish.

"That's being with Beck…" That's not working, but I don't correct her because I don't want that can of worms opened any more than it already is.

She's quiet now, looking off in space as if contemplating something. Finally, she nods a little before getting up and making her way to the door.

"Where are you going?" I let out with a sigh, making her turn around and shrug her shoulders.

"I'm leaving."

Jesus Christ.

"You going to walk home?" Disbelief laces my words because it's dark out now, and miles to her house, and she knows she won't make it a block without getting stabbed by a homeless guy.

"I'll call a ride." Her voice stays calm and neutral.

My hand runs over my face, instinctively rubbing my eyes and making me realize how tired I am.

"Just stay tonight. I'll drive you in the morning."

Cat's head tilts a bit, watching me for a second.

"No, you don't get it, Jade. I'm leaving. We're done." She says it as if she's speaking to a child, slow and enunciated.

I sit there stupid for a minute, before understanding what she's saying.

"You're leaving me?"

"Yes." She waves her hands at me flippantly. "This way I won't get in the way of you and Beck's _obvious_ happiness." She starts to turn back around, but pauses when I reply.

"What? Like it's that easy? You just think you can just leave?"

She stones her face, her eyes dark and unwavering.

"Yes."

And I realize that she can leave me, that she will and never look back, because she's nothing like me. She wants me, but she doesn't need me. So Cat turns around and makes her exit

…

"No." I almost whisper.

No, no, no. She doesn't get to do this to me. She doesn't leave me.

I'm off the bed in a millisecond, running over to the door she opens. The palm of my hand slams it back in its frame with a loud bang, before she has a chance to storm out of it.

"You can't leave me." I practically yell, but she doesn't turn around, doesn't even move, just stays facing the door with her hand on the knob. My hands grab her shoulders and turn her around, but her eyes are looking away from me. "You can't leave me…" I say much softer, cupping her cheek with my hand, but she still doesn't respond. "…Cat." Now I'm just whispering, moving my lips against her ear, kissing along her neck and jawline, feeling her start to give in. The muscles in her shoulders start to relax as I hear a breath escape her.

"We can't do this forever." There's defeat in her voice, no longer confident. I knew she couldn't act like this didn't matter.

"Don't go." My face moves back in front of hers, a thumb lightly tracing her cheek.

"Tell me you don't feel anything." Her voice breaks a little. "Go ahead, Jade. Do what you do, and tell me to my face."

I close my eyes for a moment and rest my forehead against hers.

"I can't, okay? Just let that be enough for now…Just—just stay."

My lips meet hers, kissing her, but she doesn't respond.

Fine, Cat. Don't break, don't fall apart and shatter. But please, at least _bend_. Stay and bend and don't leave me.

Because I feel something. I feel everything, and I hate that I can't look at her and lie. I hate that she sees through me so easily. But this isn't something you leave. What we have is something you can't get away from, and it devours you until there's nothing left. It's like some kind of love, twisted and dark, and back and forth, and hurting and breaking, but it's _there_. Because she likes it when I'm violent and angry, and nobody else does, and I like it when her eyes go dark and no one sees that side but me. It's not quite right, but it's _something_, it's _there_.

She finally kisses me back.

Some kind of love.

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	16. Cause and Effect

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Cause and Effect

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The next morning I drive Cat home, and even though she spends the night and kisses me goodbye before she gets out my car, it still feels like she's leaving me.

And I get the irony. How quick I was to dismiss any romantic thoughts she had of us, and how quick I was to make her stay. Because I need her, more than anything, more than air. And that _need_ that makes me keep her close, causes that pressure in my chest, and it makes me know better than to get too close.

Because she could be playing me, that little girl who's so good at games, she could be pressing just the right buttons, with years of planning and watching, this could still be a game to her. And once I make all the moves she wants me too, she'll just break me open and get her prize. But she could just be like me. She could just be tired of the game.

I still see Cat a few more times, but we don't have sex. Neither of us instigate, so it leaves us sitting quiet in her living room watching movies and doing homework, and I like to think that it's because I can do without her, but I'm not dumb enough to actually believe it. It just proves how much of a hold she has on me, and how much I don't really mind anymore.

[]

I break up with Beck without even meaning to. We're sitting in his car outside my house after school, basking in the silence we've grown used to.

"I love you." I say out of habit, the way I always do before I leave.

"I love you too." He replies like he always does, and he doesn't even ask me if he can come in, because it's been so long since I've let him, that he knows better. I think that's what does it.

"I think we should break up." My words come out in a rush, my eyes focused on the dashboard of his convertible. I hear him take a slow breath.

"I don't." He says calmly, making me look at him.

"Why not?" Because there isn't even a reason anymore, and we both know it, so I'm just curious if he sees something I don't.

"Because I love you." Beck's hands tighten on the steering wheel, not meeting my gaze. "You love me too, you just said so."

"You know…this isn't working." My hands twist in my lap. "It hasn't been for a while."

"So, what? Two and half years, just for nothing?" I hear the anger creeping in his voice, but he's still not looking at me. "We could try to make it work."

"We have been trying."

He smiles bitterly, looking at me with red in his eyes. "Oh, _we_ have, have we?"

I'm not starting a fight with him, because he's completely in the right, and I haven't been trying. Pretty much the opposite, actually. I just—

"I can't do it anymore."

"Is there someone else?" He's quick to ask, and it makes me wonder why he hasn't before. We both know the answer to that, and I won't lie to him, but I'm too much of a coward to tell him the truth.

"That doesn't matter."

Beck slams his hand against the steering wheel hard, making me flinch. Then he takes another slow breath, trying to keep calm. I know him, know that he doesn't like to lose his temper, but that isn't because he doesn't have one. He has his father's temper, and I see it behind his eyes sometimes. Like now. He's told me that as an actor though, he has to have control over all aspects of his emotions. I remember thinking how freaking nice that must be.

"It matters to me." His looking out the windshield again.

"Beck—"

"No, it's fine Jade. Whatever." I turn away from him a little, because his calm demeanor is making me nervous. "I figured you'd get bored of hurting me eventually."

"I'm sorry—"

"Get out."

And the way he says it, not loud and angry, but…broken. I feel a pressure in my chest, the one I can't name.

I broke him, and I realize that it's the only thing I know how to do.

[]

Cat finds out with the rest of the school that me and Beck broke up, causing her to sneak up to my locker before our first class starts.

"You and Beck…?"

"Not anymore."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She's curious and maybe a little hurt, but the bell's ringing and Tori's noticing us, and I don't feel like planning our wedding right now. So I walk away.

Sometime that day, I'm guessing when they didn't show up for lunch, Cat breaks up with Tori.

I'm lucky enough to figure that out during fifth period, when Tori finds me in the bathroom.

[]


	17. Girls Like You

[]

Girls Like You

[]

Tori finds me in the bathroom during fifth period, and it makes want to go out and buy a lottery ticket. Because I'm just so _freaking_ lucky. I'm drying my hands when I glance at her, arms crossed and standing on the other end of the line of sinks. She's mad, practically fuming, at it irks me a bit that she would grace me with her livid presence. I didn't tell Cat to break up with her. I have my own crosses to bare, and none of them should have to do with her.

So after a quick glance, I go to grab my bag that's resting on the porcelain of a sink.

"How long have you been fooling around with Cat?" I pause, her words make me roll my eyes, like some kind of instinct with her.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Because I don't owe Tori anything, not honesty and not an explanation. That was Cat's job, and it's not my fault if she didn't give Tori closure. But then again, I'm pretty positive Tori didn't push too much out of her. Because Cat's just that wide-eyed little girl who's so easy to be taken advantage of, and Tori is just one white knight complex away from being a prince charming. And me? I'm the villain that stole her girl. I know that's how she sees it, because I see the way Tori looks at Cat.

Besides, I'm an easier target for her pain than Cat. I get that. I do.

Doesn't mean I care.

"Yes you do, Jade, and I know it." She uncrosses her arms to grip her hips, and I mentally shake myself out of my thoughts. She moves a few sinks closer to me, her back facing the mirrors, and I don't face her, idly fixing a few stray hairs in my reflection.

"How's that?"

"I'm not stupid."

"That's a matter of opinion." I retort with snide and smirk, not missing a beat.

It's almost funny, how I can literally feel my morose demeanor simply fade away. How quickly my old self slips back like a bike riding metaphor. I don't know why or what, but there's something about Tori. The girl brings it out of me.

"How long?" She repeats loudly, like this is a movie, and just over acting will be enough to pull the truth out of me. I stop and face her now, knowing that she really needs to take a good look in the mirror her back's to. Because guess what, Tori? I'm not stupid either.

"How long have you two been leading the rainbow pride parade behind everyone's back, Vega?" My hands present themselves toward her like I just did a magic trick. Tada! Denial. "You know…" I look side to side, a little dramatically before whispering; "there's words for girls like you."

Her face flushes a bit, and I can't tell if it's from embarrassment or anger, but either way, I'm chipping away at that Vega exterior, chipping and chipping, and starting to see cracks appear. Just a little more, just a little harder, and she'll break. It's so easy with her, to do what I do, and it's funny how much I'm enjoying this.

"There's words for girls who cheat on their boyfriends." My face falls slightly, but I push it aside.

"I broke up with Beck."

Tori scoffs at that, rolling her eyes and it makes me take another step towards her.

"That makes it okay? Since you broke up with him _yesterday_?"

My eyes narrow when I realize that she really wants to do this. She really wants to try to push me. She's going to regret it.

"How do you even know I was doing anything with Cat, smart girl?" I snap back, because I want to know if Cat told her, told her she just wasn't good enough.

But I don't think she did, the way Tori is giving me a once over full of disgust. "…I could smell her on you."

Oh, Tori. She's making it so easy. Like a sign on her head that says 'break here'.

"Bet it didn't stop you from fucking her." My smirks back full blown.

"Go to hell, you bitch." I almost laugh, because bad words just sound so wrong coming from her.

"Oh, you're using big girl words now, aren't you?"

She takes another step, making us toe to toe, and she can't be that smart wanting to step up to me like this.

"She deserves better than you." She says through a clenched jaw. "You're a pathetic sadist, and the only thing you'll ever do is hurt her." I feel a sudden weight on my chest at her words. And it _hurts_, but I push it aside, ignore it. Focus on her, on this.

Don't flounder, shoot back. Do what you do, Jade.

My eyes narrow.

"And despite all that, she still wants _me_ more than you. She still thought about me every time she kissed you, every time you two were together." I look her up and down. "You know I'm right, because you're not stupid, _are_ you?" My words get emphasized when I push Tori back by the shoulders, short and rough. Because this Vega girl is poking at a tiger, and my teeth are sharp enough to tear through her. It looks like she doesn't mind though, all kinds of anger flashing in her eyes. And when she pushes me back, I hope this girl knows what she's getting into, because I'm about to kick her ass.

[]

Tori kicked my ass.

I'm not exactly sure how it happened, because it was only a moment before someone walked into the bathroom and went to go get a teacher, and before I knew it, the guidance counselor Blaine was pulling her off me.

We're sitting in the nurse's office, a chair between the ones we're occupying, and that's when I kind of gather the overall score of our fight. She's a little scratched up, and rubbing her sore wrist, which apparently got bruised when she was punching me in the face. I'm over here with a bloody nose and an icepack on my temple, taking slow and steady breaths, because I think at some point she kicked me in the ribs.

Damn.

It must be her Latino blood, or the fact that I've never seen her as mad as I made her, while she slammed my head against the door of a bathroom stall.

I got my ass kicked…by a _Vega_.

"I could tell him, you know." She half whispers, making me look over at her. Which I regret because it makes my brain scream at me. She's looking down at the her hands, as they twist in her lap. Her voice sounds tired, all fight good and drained out of her. I could relate, but my fight was good and _knocked_ out of me. "I could tell him why we were fighting, and he'd know the real reason why you broke up with him."

I try to chuckle, but no sound comes out, and it makes a muscle in my stomach pinch.

"You won't though."

Tori looks at me then, a little residual anger lingering in those brown eyes.

"Why not?"

I sigh as I adjust the melting bag of ice on my face.

"Because then he would know the reason why you had to kick my ass over it."

Her eyes go down at that. Yeah, you can fight better than me, but all that hiding and sneaking around with Cat was something we were both good at.

"I don't care about that."

That almost sounded convincing, Vega.

"I think you do. Because pretty soon the whole school will know, then Trina, then your mom, then you're cop daddy." My words don't even have enough energy to hold a bite to them. "They'll all know that perfect Tori Vega likes girls." Her eyes stay in her lap, all quiet and obvious, and I sigh after a moment. I'm not enjoying this anymore. Not at all. "…I had a reason to hide what I was doing with her, you didn't."

She takes a shaky breath and I pretend that I don't see her swipe quickly at her cheek.

"I really hate you." Her voice is breaking when she says it, because isn't that what I'm just so good at? I break things. I break everything.

"Me too." She looks at me weird when I say it.

Yeah, Vega. I hate me too.

[]


End file.
